May_5_03

Typed Text From Journal Page:

5/6/03

Brandon –

We keep fighting this fight.  I don’t know what you’re afraid of, I don’t know what motivates you, but you keep lying to me.

One lie only breeds more lies.  One day you’ll find yourself in a place where you will look around and not recognize your surroundings.  But you won’t want to confess so you’ll pretend you know where you are – but you won’t.  It breaks me up to se eyou hurt yourself this way.  It breaks me up to see you not think about how much pain I feel over your actions.  I am at a loss.  I don’t know what to do.  Today it’s homework and girlfriends, tomorrow it’s your relationships and your family.  Honesty is something so sacred.  It is the only thing one can build on.  It is the solid foundation of any long lasting structure.  How can you have anything else, if you do not begin with what you know is real.

I do not recall if I ever told you the whole story of Hector, and our break-up.  Suffice it to say that is was because of his dishonestly.  I believe that relationship would have lasted were it not for that.  Any problem can be weathered if there is honesty, Brandon. Yes, emotions will fly, but what else do you expect?  Emotions won’t always fly, but you can not expect that things happen with consequences.  Don’t ever do something you not take responsibility for.  If you do, then ‘fess up to what you have done.  Don’t learn to do something that will cost you your life.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what to say.  I feel like I don’t know you.  I hate that feeling.

M.