Typed Text From Journal Page:
1/1/98 1:24 a.m.
Hey Babes,
I just got in a few minutes ago. I dropped you off at daddy’s for one more day of vacation (Christmas). We were visiting grandma and the family this evening. You are probably most likely aware that there is a problem between your father, Barbara, the Nishinakas and myself. Unfortunately you are too young to understand the complicated, silly, uncaring details of why these problems exist. The bottom line is that once there was a lie that was told. It was a tiny little silly insignificant lie but nonetheless it was a lie. Well, in order to not look bad, in order to not swallow someone’s pride, another lie was told to cover the little lie. Pretty soon there were a whole lotta lies being told and so today your father is in a very difficult, up-the-creek, wretched smelling situation with the family. He, for some reason, tries to convince the world that the world is against him. He tries to convince complete strangers that his family, his friends, his co-workers, everyone is out to do him harm. The sad part about the whole thing is that the only person who continues to hurt him is he himself. Why, no one in the family can figure it out. No one knows why. But now the damage outstretches to you both. His concoctions and notions are stretching their veiny little branches out in your direction. And I refuse to let him reach you with his dilusion.
Emma, you in particular are being hurt by your dad and for some reason you do not want to acknowledge that he is where much of your pain stems from. You need to begin by being honest with yourself. Secondly, you need to ascertain the truth from reliable sources. You need to remove all doubts from your mind about anything. Never be afraid to ask for the truth. I will always give you that.
Brandon, you appear to be holding up well against all of this. You are, on the exterior, so resilient. I truly hope, pray, that you are okay. I wish with all of my strength that you are able to work through your dilem[m]as and/or be able to find the strength to ask for help when you need it.
Darlings, I can not [sic] give you all of the answers. I wish I could just put everything right in front of you and let it sink inside, melt all around you and never leave you. But I can not [sic]. I can only give you what I can, I try for it to be as much as I can carry at a time. I bring a load here and there and try as I might. I had a late start, but I don’t plan on stopping or slowing down so we should be okay on resources for living a good life. You both are the future of the multiple generations of Nishinakas. The line must be carried on, and you must do it sound of mind and heart. Full of peace and love, truth and righteousness. No less than that. You ow it to your grandma. You must show her that her strength continues in you.
Respectfully, Mom (<3OX)
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