Tag: people

October_18_05

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

My dearest children,

Life is at its most trying moment when you look about and see people’s human frailties.   You see one day and find that those you least expected have let you down in ways you never imagined.  It is so much easier to keep people away.  It hurts less.  The past three years to four weeks have been especially trying.  I’ve tried writing to you about it but I have not had the strength.  There has been much turmoil – in many areas of the word.  The one most directly related to you has been the possible cessation of karate with Sensei.  He took the month of October off and has considered not returning.  It is not yet decided, but he believes he should be back.  Unfortunately, I will not be back on the floor anytime soon, if ever at all.  For reasons I cannot share the favor of not returning to the floor has or will be made by me to your Sensei.  It appears that my presence has brought conflict within he and another student – for truly unreasonable and unrealistic reasons.  Hence, to lesson the burden, and simplify everyone’s return I have offered to pull myself out of the equation  It is hurtful to me because I have been with your Sensei for so long, and I have been his friend.  It is perhaps because I am his friend that I offer this most painful resolution, which he has eagerly accepted.  His eagerness at my suggestion is perhaps the most upsetting.  I feel betrayed.  Betrayal because of one careless act.  Carelessness reaps regret.  So many other things have been difficult as of late.  My heart is heavy.  My eyes hold back my tears.  But not from control but from an inability to cry at times.  There is this fear that if I cry I’ll lose it all.