Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):
7/19/05
Em, you’re with dad for the summer. I hope your vacation is going well and as expected. I know how possessive you can be of your father and how that can feel. I use to always fantasize that if I could just take grandpa away from all the people that make him drink and be careless I could rescue him. I thought that all he needed was to get away. Obviously, that is not how things actually work, and therefore that is not how they worked. I eventually grew up and realized I was not responsible for raising my father. I believe I shared that sentiment with your brother when he was struggling at the age of five with what to do about daddy. I worry that you will grow up with a complex about yourself or your dad and simply have horrible relationships in the future. I know I cannot control your life or the decisions you choose to make. Nevertheless, I can warn you of danger signs. Don’t take responsibility for how others feel, and don’t worry about what people think. You are: beautiful, smart, bright, precocious, you have a great sense of humour, you have presence, you are strong and are an amazing human being. Now, you just need to believe it. The list can go on, I’m sure. I hope by the time you read this you have already figured out all of these things. Just in case, I wrote them down.
Brandon, you said something very interesting to me today. Just a reminder, we cleaned the inside of the car today because it had flies growing out of nowhere. I was making a big deal out of it, because flies are maggots with wings. A sign of rotting carnage, Uggh! I went on about it that you said ~”nothing ever” bothers me, or phases me, or disturbs me and you were surprised to see me go on about the flies. I explained of course that where there are flies, there is something dead. Nevertheless, it surprised me to see that you felt I am so composed about events and life, that was eye opening. Also, you won the query of whether it was Burbank to the left upper corner frame outside my window. This to impressed you and actually made you gloat. Your comment was you usually can never win against me. How large you see me. I’ll have to work on that. I hope by this time I have sorted or balanced some of your views. I am human. I’ve struggled for all of us to be where we are today and tomorrow.
I hope along the way I taught you two how to make it.
Always, always, always, stay together, be together, work through things together. I love you and I always worry about you.
Love Mom
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