Category: kids (Page 1 of 5)

Pursuit of “Happyness”

October 3, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

It’s a new year. I’m finished with school, again, and I just don’t know where I’m going next. We need to figure out a way to do better. Not that we are not doing well, but I just am so tired of struggling and not being able to be whimsical. Yet, I must give thanks to God for giving me the strength to come this far.

We watched Pursuit of Happyness today. The little boy tells this joke about a man that was drowning, yet he turns down two boats that happen by and offer to rescue him. He tells them that God will save him. After drowning he asks God why he did not save him. God tells the man he sent him two boats.

I wonder, do we just not see the salvation that is right in front of us? We keep looking for magical miracles and miss out on the tangible things. I just want to teach you guys right. I want to make you ready, and I don’t want you to be lazy. I don’t want you to quit and I don’t want you to think that everything is always so easy. Things can be, but not everything is. I don’t want you to be afraid of making tough decisions. I don’t want you to be afraid of making mistakes – just learn from them. Look around you and learn from your surroundings. Don’t learn all of your lessons from me. I’m not perfect. But, you both know that. I look at your pictures and time has just passed so quickly.

Emma, you never let me hold you enough.

Brandon, you grew old too fast. You both need to keep a little youth in you.

Emma, you need to learn to mind your temper and your tongue – that will be your cross.

Brandon, you need to learn to follow through and think – stop complaining.

Love, Mom

Lions and Tigers and Bears

October 2, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

November_29_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

11/29/06

Lions and tiger and bears, oh my! So much goes on in our lives and we manage. College applications, car accidents, Quinceañeras, tight finances, more responsibilities on the job, and just the run of the mill daily stuff. Just when I am feeling overwhelmed a ray of rejuvenating light is shone upon our lives. Brandon – you are overdone with college applications and transcripts, and six more months of high school. Yet, the possibility of a car brought a glow to your face. Emma – you are so excited about the prospect of wedding planning, and you’re actually researching “stuff” about it; schools, articles, traditions – you’re focused. Anything is possible. Things are good.

It Hurts Me More

October 1, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

November_18_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

11/18/06

Being a parent is no easy role – The day has been trying. Brandon – you did not get to get your Wii tonight. I don’t know if you miscalculated your funds or spent more than you thought, or lost some of it, but you did not have enough. It is so heart breaking for me to see you lose out on something – but I can’t bail you out. There is that old saying, “It hurts me more than it hurts you.” Boy is that ever true. Your every little disappointment, discomfort, or pain becomes my own and I wish I were the only one to experience it. But without those lessons we are but empty vessels. Your sister was so upset for you. She was so willing to come to your rescue. Em, you are such a good sister. But, I’m glad that you held your tongue and did not come to your brother’s rescue. After all, this was not a life or death matter. Hopefully, those will never come, but when the urgency arrives then that will be the time. Mama, you must always know that my heart breaks for both of you – for you the same as it does for your brother. I have not shared my feelings about your car accident, but not a day goes by that I myself do not relive that day. I drive past General Hospital everyday and everyday I remember.

Love, Mom

Let it be Difficult for Me Now

September 20, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

November_13_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

11/13/06

As I was dozing while you guys each worked on something for school I could hear the two of you in the background. Brandon, you on the cello, and Emma, you on my computer – typing a journal entry for your drama class. You are both tired and frustrated, but of course, for different reasons. Brandon, the month will be long, filling out college applications and practicing more on your cello. Emma, you are, and will continue to be recovering from your accident. Your frustrations are valid. I hate to see the two of you struggle. I wish I could simply solve all of the woes that come your way and make everything right all the time. But life is not like that. And I have to keep telling myself that somethings I just have to let you “do”. I don’t always like it – It is difficult – for me. Let it be difficult for me now, and not for you later. I love you with all my blood and Soul.

Mom

I’m at a Loss

September 19, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

November_12_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

11/12/06

Life can be hard at times. And it spins almost out of control. Much has happened over the past month. So much that I’ve not had the energy to keep track of it all. Emma, you’ve had your Quinceanera and all went well. Unfortunately, you [were] hit by a car, along with Thea, the week before and we are still dealing with the wreckage. You have had nightmares and flashbacks that have made it difficult for you to get on psychologically. Physically you have had your challenges as well. I am at a loss that angers me – I question what to do. Thea’s uncle was getting information on the matter, but then there passes time with no contact. I guess the things that upset me are your personal state and the quandary of whether there is anything that can be done about it. I just feel without direction on this one. This enrages me more. Life is just hard sometimes. But I know this too will be taken care of one way or another with me/by me. Brandon, you’re going through a whole host of other dilemmas – college applications, little people and cello, cello, cello. It is difficult to just see you at this juncture in life. You are starting to take more personal responsibility for yourself and that is good to see. But, I know there are still many things to endure before you are independent. It is difficult for me to see you grow and go. I keep thinking of daddy Lyman and his mother, and how she still worried even though he was a man. I feel life in the pit of my stomach somedays, but tonight it is ever present. I always pray for strength and thank god for my blessings.

Love Mom

When it Rains, Look for the Silver Lining

September 18, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

July_24_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

07-24-06

Boy-When it rains it pours, and the, if you keep your eyes open, a little silver lining. Well, I’ve been processing all of the “paperwork” for leaving the District only to continue encountering one pebble in the road after another. To make matters slightly more taxing, the car over heated, and I don’t know just how bad it is. I hope I did not kill anything major. I had to leave it at the gas station down the road, I hope it’s okay. If it isn’t one thing, it’s something else. Money is pretty tight right now. Pinching pennies. I hope things let up soon. God give me strength. Still no word from the IRS on replacing the stolen check, I need to call them too. And, your father’s fiasco is fresh on my mind. Argh! But, (silver lining) my teacher, who is some District employee is really nice and is willing to look at my letter to the District regarding my resignation. And, my student Juan called. I haven’t heard from him in a while. I’ll call him tomorrow. So, I’ll just have to sleep on my troubles so I have the strength to fight them away tomorrow. My babies, I just want a better life for both of you. I hope that by the time you read these pages I have done that.

I Love You Two Sooooooo Much!

You are my Universe!

I am nothing Without You!

I Love You –

Mom

Your Father is the One to Lose

September 17, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

July_21_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

07-21-06

Well, today your father truly outdid himself. Brandon, your uncle Jamie got you a game to coach in So. Pas and your dad tried to take it away. If ever I felt rage it was tonight, towards your father. Baseball bat to the car and all. But, I truly believe that God and the universe are mighty. And Kharma is a powerful thing. Your grandfather George died alone. The only kindness he received was out of pity, not love, not respect. This happened because he was just as much a father to his seven children as your father has been to you and Emma. Your father is a jealous man. He is jealous of our success without him, just like his father was. He is now repeating the very same mistakes his own father made, with you and Emma. The worst part is that he is hurting you and Emma. But, why should you be spared merely because he know what it is like. I was joking about you changing your name, to end the cycle of the Nishinaka curse. After the joke I truly considered it to b a good idea. you and Emma are too good to be called Nishinaka. Emma, you were so hurt. I know you love your dad, and I understand that kind of love. An you are doing such a great job at standing your ground against daddy’s injustice. I know it has been difficult and painful, but this is something you must learn to do. If you let your father walk all over your heart, he will keep doing it. You and Brandon need to “keep together”, no matter what happens. Your father is the one to lose here.

You two are my universe, my system.

Mom-

Sacrifice Is Not A Terrible Thing

September 14, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

July_15_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

7-15-06

There are so many things running through my mind right now. It’s late, but I’m not tired. Emma, I hope by now you’ve found a way to work out your kinks – life is not perfect. I keep trying to get you to accept that. Today you were upset about being asked to help walk the dogs with Phia. There truly was no reason for you to be upset, but you were. You protested that you had already done it. You spent all day at Mama Les, swimming and you can’t fint it in you to give a little more. I was washing her dishes for approximately a half an hour – dishes I did not even dirty. You did go, and it turned out that Xophia lost control of the dogs and needed your help afterall. It is so much easier to do for others. What you get back is joy. Last night you pitched a fit because you did not wish to celebrate my new job at the Brazilian restaurant. You were so mean – even snapped. “Don’t touch me” when I attempted to caress your face. Your words and your actions can cut through a heart. I swallowed my pain and told Nancy you were not going to spoil the celebration – but you already had. All of this because of your phobia over new things. Only to find, in the end, that you find your comfort zone and eventually join in – which you did. You joined in the eating and the laughter. It was only then a complete evening. Your angry words are nevertheless still in my chest, and the look on your face is vivid in my mind still. Your fears, unwarranted, and your phobias take you to the darkest of places. Do you not think that I get afraid. It is simply that I cannot show it. I must be strong for us. I am all that we have. I am the one responsible for getting you and your brother on your own adult feet. It is such a tremendous responsibility – You have no idea right now. Hopefully, by the time you read this all wounds have bee healed and you have more of an understanding for the magnitude and fragility of life. You are such a great person, if you allow it. Sacrifice is not a terrible thing, as long as it doesn’t hurt you. You can go without an extra ten minutes of rest, or wash an extra plate, or walk the dog again, or come to me with dinner (come to dinner with me?)- it won’t hurt you.

Odd People

September 13, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

July_4_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

07-04-06

Pops – You came back from your Anime Expo thing today. While you talked about the “weird guy” all I could think about was that it’s odd people like him that can turn an exciting experience into a scary one. What if this guy had turned out to be a mental freak and harmed one of you? The human being is an unpredictable living creature. I am glad you’re home. I worry about you growing up. Don’t always be so trusting.

Momma – You’re spending the night at grandmas for the fourth. I worry about you with the cousins sometimes. They’re not all sane. And you sometimes venture to be the bold one. There is no need for that. Slow down, observe more than you participate, and when you do, make it count.

Love Mom

The Stuff That Consumes You

September 12, 2018 / Suzette / 0 Comments

July_3_06

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

07-03-06

Hey Bug-

You fell asleep on the living room floor tonight. I went to give you a kiss goodnight, which you make difficult usually. You were so asleep. Your jaw was relaxed and you were truly asleep. You looked so pure and open. I rarely get to see that “you”. I was able to give you a kiss goodnight and admire how great you are when you’re not worried about the “stuff” that consumes you. I Love You –

Mom.

Follow