August_16_05

Typed Text From Journal Page (spelling errors may have been corrected):

8-16-05

I look at my parents and I am filled with mixed emotions about what is an acceptable explanation about why their children are out of control, and what is not.  Then I wonder, who am I to judge? I try to understand certain situations.  And then I hear the explanation and I wonder which part is reason and which part is excuse.  The truth is that many of these parents look to us for answers.  Many of them look to us to solve their problems.  Many look to us to take their problems away.  The reason I am telling you two this is because I wonder what I did that made things turn out okay for us.  Despite our challenges, despite the banter between us, we’ve done well.  None of you are on drugs (I hope), none of you beat people up, none of you are truant, none of you have run away from home.  We’ve had our moments, mostly you Emma and I, Brandon occasionally , but all-in-all we’re okay.  I hope we continue to improve – I know we will. You two have always driven me – you and the moments when I would become angry about our situation or some unfair or unkind thing your father would do.  I would push harder, faster, become stronger.  Some people ask me how I do it, or did it.  The truth is looking back I do not know, I do not remember.  All I know is that I knew what needed to be done and I focused.  I did it.  And I did it without compromising my values and my dignity.  I know who I am, and I am constantly working at being a better person.  I try to reflect on my experiences, my thoughts, my actions, my words as I speak them, and I ask for guidance.  Mostly what I wish to stress is focus and drive.  Stay positive, strong, and good and think about what you’re doing and why.

I Love you guys, Mom!